- You’ve been warned
- Life with a meth addict can be complicated
- The Past
- The Present
- The momsense
- The randoms
- Sometimes being a single mom blows
- Contact SingleMama CC..unless you’re an asshole in which case, don’t fucking bother me
- Till Meth Do Us Part…..formally known as The Book of Meth
- Wtf is the PIT anyway?!
- I wonder……
The dad issue is usually a dead issue unless the PIT is incredibly over tired and pissed at me or just having an emotional day. Her birthday is nearing and that always pulls at the heartstrings of both of us. She wants a “mom & dad” just as bad as I want to be able to give her that but right now….we’re just not there yet. Someday there will be someone to fill the void that was left in both of our lives but until then….I have keep my cool and my wicked tongue….bad mouthing the donor would be teaching the PIT the wrong lesson…..I keep the slander of my ex here…..for all of you to enjoy lmao but srsly…its in the kids best intrest that I keep on a blogging!
I made a choice a long time ago to not bad mouth my ex husband in front of the PIT. This choice has left me speachless in regards to the baby daddy. I really dont have anything nice to say about him anymore. It takes all of my strength to muster up a memory when the PIT asks me something related to life before I was mommy. Dont get me wrong….I have memories of my ex, not all were bad but trying to talk about them now makes me throw up in my mouth a lil bit. (I still cant say his name without filling with rage) I bite my tongue everytime she cries for him or thinks she wants him or throws a fit cause she “misses” him. I roll my eyes & mumble under my breath “if you only knew girly if you only knew”…… I’ve had to try and explain the dad issue without telling her that he’s a worthless meth addicted gang banger somewhere in Cali. Is there a nice way to tell her the truth? I don’t think so, at least not at the age of 7. I’ve been able to get by with “your dad is doing his own thing and we’re doing ours”. When she asks if she will ever see him I just reply “anything is possible” which technically isn’t a lie. I do know that chances are pretty good she will never meet him, it is best that way. Meth addicts have no business being parents and I terminated his parental rights after he tried to kill me more than once. Do I like the fact that Im a single parent? Somedays I do somedays I dont… Is this what I had in mind? Um no but it is what it is and Im going to do my best to make it without losing my mind (any further). Do I want the PIT to have a dad? Of course I do…..but he’s got to EARN us both.
shhhhh
Does not exactly telling the whole story make me a liar?
Does it make me a bad mother?Guess it all depends who you ask. I received a lovely email from someone who feels that I am indeed the worst mother on the planet and how dare I RIP my childs father away from her. Apparently, someone missed a post or two…..I didn’t rip shit. I ran. Theres a difference. And if what I’m doing, raising a respectful, smart, caring, kind individual is wrong and makes me a bad mother then good. The intriguing little creature is turning out quite nicely thanks to my bad solo parenting skills. As far as change…I dont care. Look, you try to kill your wife in a methbinge rage then you don’t get to be around children. Not even if you donated your DNA. Lesson to be learned here: Dont try to kill baby mama.
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20 Responses to Revisiting the “dad” issue
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Technically, I don’t. The PIT does. That’s why it’s called PITproductions
Ms. Single Mama approved
Not telling her the whole story does not make you a bad mother… it makes you a great mother because no matter how much you hate that man and how much he does not deserve your daughter you still leave her thinking he is a good man and for that you have sacerficed for her. It would be easier to just tell her the truth but you know that it will hurt her in the end so you stand back and take the hits ( crying for him, missing him) and bite your toung because you are a good mother and don’t want to do anything to cause harm to your daughter. That makes you a great mother. I totally know how hard it is not to bad mouth in front of the kidos, I struggle with that daily. I actually am jealous of your situation, instead I have a deadbeat that comes in and out of my monsters lives and breaks their heart on a weekly basses. I wish he would just disapear and I know deep in my heart someday he will. Until then, I have to watch my childrens hearts break every time he does not show up for them or walks away from them without giving them good bye kisses.
Stay strong. You are doing the right thing
Thank you SO much for your kind words of support & encouragement! I often find it easier to doubt myself than not to…..
I have to admit that although sometimes I wish that I had a break from my mommy duties, I am very fortunate to have her all to myself. I hear so many stories of horrible ex’s and the pain they cause their own children. Its heart breaking. Someday your children will see their father for who & what he really is, without any input from you, they will KNOW who has always loved them 24/7
Someday your ex will also realize that he missed one hell of an opportunity.
Thanks again for your kind words! Totally made my day!!
I look forward to catching up on your story (3 under 4?!?! what were you thinking!! lol) Stay strong single momma!
I can totally relate to your story. I do not have an answer. My experience tells me she will figure it out on her own. My son’s father was a crack addict who ended up in prison. He always asked alot of questions. I tried to keep it age appropriate. My ex ended up commiting suicide. I am glad i did not bad mouth him all those years.
Even though my son now knows the truth about him, he came to the conclusions on his own. I never lied, I just kept it :age appropriate”.
I know how bad it sucks! Your doing the right thing.
Wow! We really could be twins!
Thank you so much for your input and support!
You are not a bad Mama! You’re doing what makes sense and honestly telling her the truth might only do more harm than good. My Monkey’s Bio is sober and has been for a while. So he’s in the picture but I feel you on the whole ‘biting my tongue’ and having more colorful things to say about the guy I had a kid with. Keep up the hard and good work and she will get the chance to have her questions answered in time.
Thank you! I have always felt I made the best choice given the situation…..too say Im a bad mother for THAT is a rather bold statement. Im not the drug addict. I’m simply a mother that was pushed too fuckin far and like most mothers I know….I’d move hell and high water to protect my child.
Know what WOULD have made me a bad mama? Letting him stick around and taking the chance that he may drop a rock or two (again) and my curious child could possibly eat it. Have you ever seen what happens to a kid who accidentally ingests meth? Or the rash that some kids get just by their meth addicted parent touching their sensative skin? The toxins seep out through the pores….its nasty. It’s a chance I wasnt and never will be willing to take. I dont care if he ever cleans up. I terminated his rights to avoid him showing up 9 yrs down the road. My childs life is not a Kum & Go station gawddamnit. You want out, you better fucking mean it. And if you try to kill me well then I get rid of you…legally.
Truely appreciate your support! Its a touchy subject for me…..
Not telling ehr the whole story does NOT make you a bad mother.When the time comes maybe she will be ready to hear it all but right now you are using your best judgement and thats all you can do. Trust your gut.
Your story is really intense and i want to thank you for being so honest with us readers. Im new here and ill be a regular reader from here on out.
Welcome aboard the crazy train that is my life!!
Thank you for your support. The PIT is a smart lil shit….she’s endlessly curious….I know she’s just dying to ask me 2 things.
1-what is sex
2-whats this “own thing” my dads doing
Im prepared to address the “own thing” issue. I’ve put a lot of thought into my decision. Its not like I woke up one day all pissed off at him for leaving me and stole his kid. I gave him as many opportunities as I could tolerate….meth is a wicked thing….I’m thankful we’re rid of him. For good.
XOXO
First: Thank you so much for your encouragement through Singlemommyhood and my blog. And a special thanks for sharing your own personal experience.
Second: You’re definitely NOT a bad mom for not telling the whole truth. How can you tell a young kid, “Your dad isn’t here because he’s a drugged out junkie.” Yeah, most kids probably aren’t going to 1.) understand and 2.) take too kindly to that.
Right now, when I get the “why haven’t we seen daddy?” question, I just tell the kids he’s busy and working a lot. I figure when they hit the pre-teen years, is when I’ll consider telling them the truth.
And I’ve gotten the same kind of response from someone, as you did in that e-mail. I was kind of blown away. People are so ignorantly blind.
Thanks mama! Remember….YOU are NOT alone either…..I’m rootin for ya! You’re a trooper and clearly doing everything you can to keep your kids safe, happy and healthy!
XOXO
I can’t believe there is anyone out there who would fault you for doing things the way you did, and are. No way in hell would I stay with a man like that, either. OR let my kids be around him. You know you did the right thing, and that is all that matters.
FWIW, I don’t think not telling the whole truth makes you a liar. She will be old enough to understand one of these days, and that time would be better for explanations.
I know right? Fuck, I still have nightmares about the shit that he did….there is no way in hell Id ever let my child go thru that for no good reason. And no..your DNA is not an adequate reason.
NO, it does not make you a liar. I choose not to tell my daughter the details of her dad being a heroin addict/alcoholic. Unfortunately she knows someone of it from witnessing it but I NEVER badmouth him. EVER. I just tell her that he loves her but he’s sick. And until he gets better, we can’t be around him. And she knows that he may not ever get better. It seems to work well with her.
Thank you Michelle!
As far as the email you got, I once got over 100 comments calling me every name in the book, and any single mom blogger I know who has said anything bad about her ex has been called out for it. My favorite are the ones from second wives. But I digress.
The girls didn’t know why there were so many rules in place for a long time, and yep, I took the blame for it. Eventually, there came a time when it was appropriate and timely to explain his drug addiction. It actually really helped my older daughter understand things, and stop blaming herself. I don’t think it’s badmouthing the ex to be honest about those things, and you’ll know when it’s time and how to frame it.
Ha! The second wives lmfao…..whats with women? Srsly…stay the fuck out of it….let your man work with his baby mama and you just sftu sunshine lol. Sometimes I understand women about as much as I understand men! Like…..why did a skank email me recently to tell me she was sorry for fucking my meth addicted husband 9 years ago? Really? Just go away lol
You’re a very astute young lady to have made a decision to not bad-mouth PIT’s father in her presence. That’s just one more of your admirable traits. I understand PIT’s wish to have at least a “substitute” father in her life because all children can learn from both male and female parents and be more complete for having done so. I also understand, after your past experiences, your reluctance to allow another man into your heart and life.
Having said that, I believe it’s time, and you may now be ready, to find a loving and caring man who will share your lives and become your partner and PIT’s father figure. Both of you deserve and need such a man, don’t you think? No one gains anything without taking chances while being cautious.
Thank you Don. And, I think you’re right….I am ready to love. I’ve got a lot of love in me…almost as much as profanities….the PIT and I do deserve to be happy and I know that having a “dad” figure around would make a difference in her life and in mine…it’s just trying to find the one thats worthy of us is hard when you’re scared shitless. Gotta work on that….
Thank you for your continued support and encouragement Don! GREATLY appreciaited my friend
singlemama, you can do it. I know you can because you’ve turned your life around. Where hate once consumed you, your heart is now open to love when you find the right man to share it with.
If I weren’t an old married man I’d be submitting my application to become your partner for life and the father figure for PIT.
My best wishes for both of you!
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